When we were in our teens Paul and I invented a game. From halfway down my long garden, we’d climb over fences and hedges into neighbouring gardens. If a light went on or we heard a door open we’d scoot back from where we came as quickly as possible, hiding behind trees or in the […]
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In the park Flynn, my sisters Lurcher spots him first and takes off like the wind, hurtling through the trees and off down towards the lake where the path meanders, with the others soon in hot pursuit. “It’s Stuart,” I say, with a resigned half-smile. I know what’s coming. “That bloody man. He’s such a […]
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Out for a birthday dinner with my family, we are celebrating the end of my son’s teenage years. Talk turns to the recent documentary about Michael Jackson’s alleged child abuse and a discussion about whether the most despicable crimes render art worthless, and I wonder how much art is borne from some sort of dysfunction […]
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While reading an article about a 30% rise in perfectionism I think about the number of times I’ve told my teenage daughter to be less demanding of herself, and then I realise I have rewritten this paragraph at least six times. Once, in a woodwork class at school, I was asked to plane a piece […]
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Spending a day at University with my daughter we are listening to a presentation about student life. She is conscientious and committed, but she worries that everything she learns won’t stay in her head and be there when she needs it. I can remember my first episode of depression soon after I’d started a job […]
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I need to write a presentation but I am finding it hard to craft the beginning. To avoid the discomfort of sitting and staring at an empty screen I go and make coffee but, as the minute’s tick by, I start to feel bad about myself, about not using my time efficiently. To avoid the […]
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I went to see Mr Pascoe every Wednesday at 12.30. I would drive the twenty minutes from my office and sit in his shabby waiting room with the pleasant receptionist who didn’t have a computer and never seemed busy. When he called me in he would leave the room while I got undressed. I remember […]
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In my dream, I can see an ex-lover across the road in the small hut where I used to go to pre-school, but I can’t reach her. She is saying something to me but I can’t hear her. As I turn the corner and approach the church, it is gone, raised to the ground and […]
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Lying awake late I wonder why I’m not asleep. The urge to enquire soon passes with the knowledge that chasing sleep succeeds only in pushing it further away. I need music to soothe me and I scroll through the classical playlists on Spotify wishing my father was here so I could ask him what to […]
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On the radio, there is an interview with Polly Harvey about her score for a new production of “All About Eve”. She speaks with freedom about her art and, at that moment, I think of all the ways I have held myself back. Like love, great art relies on openness. Like love, openness can only […]
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